Was muss ich sagen

I have a little problem lately, around 1-2 weeks. I wanna say it frontally, but it is too rude (I understand it). I'm going to say honestly to this person, well yeah I am not brave enough you know.. Moreover, I have unstable emotion. People can't guess what happen next according to my feeling. Anyway, that's ain't the real 'lil problem here that I want to talk.

This is usual little problem actually, it is boy-problem zzzhhh yawwnnn and bored lmao kidding. yes it's serious! I need help and way too PANIC, so I was directly chat with my trusted friends ever ::D  So, yeah to the point is, I don't like him, but this words sound so rude! I know he is a good guy, I can't accept him in my life. Only as a friend and my mom totally agree with my decision (thanks mom).

I have to arrange the nice sentences to tell. The biggest problem is, I am coward to say it directly. I don't wanna make him too disappointed. But how??? I am not as good as you think. Heloo boy, I am not that good, as you know.

• How to say "I wanna talk to you"
• How to say "I don't like you"
• How to say "I refuse you"
• How to say "I am sorry"

 yeahh those words are too risk and I need the nice ones. The most important thing is, HOW CAN I SAY IT BRAVELY???
How can I get my strength back? I don't have any strength to tell the truth and to be honest person. I might be a rude person, childish, and annoying. I know and admit it for sure, yeap that's all my weaknesses. I am still growing-up child and learn how to be mature person. Egoistic and being so emotional also my negative behavior. All I need is learn to think maturely yet rationally and how to act well-behave. Someone tell me that I don't have any respect and loose of patient to everyone around. Sometimes, I act without thinking others feeling and situation, so that's why people think that I am so impatient and less respect. actually yea!

I need people to teach me how to behave correctly, but NOT BEING BACKSTABBER. It means, talking from behind and being nice to me at the front! Just say it, if you don't like me, directly please!
and that's why I'm not too trust with many people, only a few.